In the future we'll all be gay
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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