I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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