I seem to have left my pride at pride
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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