You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
