bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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