dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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