omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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