its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
