oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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