she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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