i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
