I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
