no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
