Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
