Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
