Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
