so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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