is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
