all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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