eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
