I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
