**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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