I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
