He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
