She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
