Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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