I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
