420 ftw
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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