kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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