absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish I only lived at night.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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