We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
