R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
