Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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