Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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