Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
