I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
