Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
