We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I wish I only lived at night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
