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forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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