Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
