Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
