i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I did not marry a roomba.
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