Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
