im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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