Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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