I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You made out with two different species that night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
