writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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