No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
