talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
