for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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