Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
