i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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