1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
